The World According to Renee

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Revelations

Yesterday, I read Time of My Life; the autobiography of Patrick Swayze. It wasn’t particularly insightful, rather a glossed-over version of his life. It was clear the entire thing was written after his diagnosis. “Oh shit, I’m gonna die. I should write a memoir…” There was one part that does strike a chord with me though. His wife, Lisa Niemi, writes in the prologue that she wishes she’d had more stop-and-smell-the-roses moments.  By turning back time, she’d even out the fights, the bumps, take more time to love him the way their true selves had always loved each other. I often say that life is too short for bullshit, but am I really living it that way?

I was talking to a workmate the other day about my upcoming birthday. I’ll be 31. I had no problems whatsoever about turning 30. I was happy to leave my 20’s behind. I’d made some horrendous mistakes, I’d suffered severe depression for several years, and made choices I was not happy with. I swore this decade would be different. I feel different this year. Chronologically, only a year older, but I feel much older. More mature? No way!

This weekend, I did nothing. Well, obviously I read a book (two actually, I also read the autobiography of Russell Brand, which did nothing to change my opinion of him as an arrogant prat). I’m trying to be organised for my party in two weeks, trying to have some idea of how to get where I want to go, and trying to save some money for Bali at the end of the year. I need to be focused. I need to do more than do deli. I want and need to write (and get paid for it!). I need to have some fun. I need to accept my limitations and try to bypass them. I need to be less critical of myself. I need to speak up more. Most of all, I need to stop and smell the roses.

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October 11, 2009 - Posted by | Thoughts & Reflections

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