The World According to Renee

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When You Say Nothing At All

I’ve written a lot lately about words during a time of grief. The concensus is you should say something to a grieving person, even though there is no “right words” at a time of profound loss.

But what happens when you’re grieving and someone writes things on a public forum?

Firstly, I need to make a clear difference about forms of grief. Recently, I have written about the grief felt when someone dies. In this post, I talk about grief when a relationship has broken down. It is still a profound sense of loss, but in an entirely different circumstance.

I split from my ex five years ago, when MySpace and facebook were twinkles in their developers’ eyes. I poured out my heart to online friends through other avenues such as forums and MSN chat. In time, I healed.

Now, I have a friend suffering a heartbreak from a broken relationship. Both she and her ex have said what they needed to say via facebook. But does this harm or help? In the song, Black Box by Stan Walker, he sings “If you’ve got something to say, say it to me, not everyone else…” This is so true, especially if you’re proclaiming things on an open avenue where all and sundry can see it. It’s not only rude, it’s disrespectful to the other person and to your entire relationship. What are you hoping to achieve? That your ex, the person you once loved, will hate you enough to never want to see you again?

There’s a fine line that must be trodden when it comes to personal issues on a public forum.  I read a recent article saying facebook was cited in a third of divorces because they’d either found out their partner was cheating or had just decided to leave- and the evidence was on faceboook for all to see.

There may not be any written rules on breakup etiquette, but please keep your private issues private. It just hurts too many people.


August 16, 2010 - Posted by | Thoughts & Reflections

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