The World According to Renee

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How to be an Awesome Customer

Over the past week, I’ve had some pretty horrible customers. There’s been the usual stupid ones but I’ve not had a mean, nasty customer for ages. And despite what studies say, there’s definitely a correlation between customer behaviour and the full moon. Just sayin’.

Here are my Top 5 Tips for you to become an Awesome Customer and not wind up on someone’s blog or a site like

1. Always use your manners
Using your manners is free and easy. When you approach the customer service assistant, smile. When asking for an item, say “please” and “thankyou”. You don’t have to ask how their day is, they’ll just lie and say it’s been great anyway. Wish them an awesome day as you leave. It’s also polite to hand your money to the cashier: not throw the money on the counter or at the cashier.

2. Take your earphones out
Listening to a portable MP3 player, such as an iPod, takes you to another world where there are no screaming children, bad store music or other auditory annoyances. But when talking to someone, remove the earphones/earbuds from your ears. This shows the other person that you are engaged in what they’re saying. If you leave them in with music playing, you’ll miss out on the customer service assistant cursing your house and car and wishing you’ll wrap yourself around a tree on your way out of the carpark.

3. Refrain from swearing
Taking into consideration the area I work in and the products I sell, I know that speaking well can be asking a bit much. Unless you’re Ozzy fucking Osborne, we don’t expect to be sworn at. Use “fucking” as a verb, not an adjective if you really must use it at all. Use it nicely; don’t tell me your wife is going to fucking kill me because I’ve sold out of her favourite bogan treat.

4. Don’t snatch and grab
Most stores will hand you your item/s when you have paid for them. Grabbing or snatching the items shows us that you’re an impatient jerk and if we see you again, we’ll consider slapping you. Worse still, you’re not multi-tasking when you go to several shops (particularly food places in a service centre), order your food and then make another round trip to collect your order. You save everyone a lot of time if you order one at a time. “Snatch and grab” is not an Olympic sport, so please don’t train for it in stores.

5. Wear appropriate clothing
You’ve been at the beach all day and have stopped for some petrol and food on your way home. Your bikini top and leaves-nothing-to-the-imagination denim shorts are not appropriate in places where people eat food. For a start, you’ll freeze in the air conditioning (it’s our secret ploy to get you to cover up) and secondly, we know you’re eating a large Big Mac meal with extra fries and mayonnaise. Your fat gut hanging over your shorts needn’t embarrass either one of us, so cover up.

I hope these tips have inspired you to be nice to those who pay our bills by selling you things you probably don’t need in the first place. You wouldn’t like it if I was half naked (trust me, you really wouldn’t) and telling you to give me some fucking money for the shit you’ve just purchased.



April 28, 2013 Posted by | Uncategorized | , , , | Leave a comment

Review: A Thousand Splendid Suns

Whenever I read a really good book by an author, I’m hesitant to read more for fear my high expectations won’t be met and the memory of that one really good novel will be forever sullied by knowing their follow-up was rubbish.

Fear not with Khaled Hosseini’s A Thousand Splendid Suns. In his second novel after the brilliance of The Kite Runner, Hosseini doesn’t disappoint.

Set in Kabul, A Thousand Splendid Suns tells the story of two girls who are more alike than they care to admit. I don’t want to give anything away; you’ll want to let the story reveal itself.

The novel centres around Mariam and Laila, who don’t meet until about halfway through the novel. Reading the blurb on the back, I kept wondering how it was going to happen. My advice to you is: just let it happen and don’t think ahead. Several times during the novel I wondered where it was heading. Some parts are predictable, such as every time a female has sex, she’s going to get pregnant as they only can in a novel. Some parts are shocking. Anyone who read The Kite Runner knows a bit about Afghan history and will follow the setting closely. Where the characters from Kite Runner were refugees from the war, Mariam and Laila et al stay put.

As with The Kite Runner, I cannot recommend this novel enough. I also think it would make a better film than Kite as it is written in third person with not so much reflection.

April 28, 2013 Posted by | Uncategorized | , , , , | Leave a comment