The World According to Renee

Views, Reviews, Short Stories and More…

How to be an Awesome Customer

Over the past week, I’ve had some pretty horrible customers. There’s been the usual stupid ones but I’ve not had a mean, nasty customer for ages. And despite what studies say, there’s definitely a correlation between customer behaviour and the full moon. Just sayin’.

Here are my Top 5 Tips for you to become an Awesome Customer and not wind up on someone’s blog or a site like

1. Always use your manners
Using your manners is free and easy. When you approach the customer service assistant, smile. When asking for an item, say “please” and “thankyou”. You don’t have to ask how their day is, they’ll just lie and say it’s been great anyway. Wish them an awesome day as you leave. It’s also polite to hand your money to the cashier: not throw the money on the counter or at the cashier.

2. Take your earphones out
Listening to a portable MP3 player, such as an iPod, takes you to another world where there are no screaming children, bad store music or other auditory annoyances. But when talking to someone, remove the earphones/earbuds from your ears. This shows the other person that you are engaged in what they’re saying. If you leave them in with music playing, you’ll miss out on the customer service assistant cursing your house and car and wishing you’ll wrap yourself around a tree on your way out of the carpark.

3. Refrain from swearing
Taking into consideration the area I work in and the products I sell, I know that speaking well can be asking a bit much. Unless you’re Ozzy fucking Osborne, we don’t expect to be sworn at. Use “fucking” as a verb, not an adjective if you really must use it at all. Use it nicely; don’t tell me your wife is going to fucking kill me because I’ve sold out of her favourite bogan treat.

4. Don’t snatch and grab
Most stores will hand you your item/s when you have paid for them. Grabbing or snatching the items shows us that you’re an impatient jerk and if we see you again, we’ll consider slapping you. Worse still, you’re not multi-tasking when you go to several shops (particularly food places in a service centre), order your food and then make another round trip to collect your order. You save everyone a lot of time if you order one at a time. “Snatch and grab” is not an Olympic sport, so please don’t train for it in stores.

5. Wear appropriate clothing
You’ve been at the beach all day and have stopped for some petrol and food on your way home. Your bikini top and leaves-nothing-to-the-imagination denim shorts are not appropriate in places where people eat food. For a start, you’ll freeze in the air conditioning (it’s our secret ploy to get you to cover up) and secondly, we know you’re eating a large Big Mac meal with extra fries and mayonnaise. Your fat gut hanging over your shorts needn’t embarrass either one of us, so cover up.

I hope these tips have inspired you to be nice to those who pay our bills by selling you things you probably don’t need in the first place. You wouldn’t like it if I was half naked (trust me, you really wouldn’t) and telling you to give me some fucking money for the shit you’ve just purchased.



April 28, 2013 Posted by | Uncategorized | , , , | Leave a comment

It’s All About ME!

The Golden Rule of Copywriting is:

What’s in it for me?

This is the basis for your sales. The customer sees your ad (whether it be website, newsletter, brochure etc) and immediately, they need to know why they need you. This is where good copy can make a sale. Let’s see an example.

Bad Copy

Our company makes the finest cupcakes, from a secret recipe handed down generation to generation. We delight in using the freshest ingredients and our cupcake chefs are the best in the country. We know this because we have been awarded the prestigious Cupcake Award 3 years in a row.

Good Copy

Your tastebuds are in for a treat! Using a secret cupcake recipe from generations of mums, you’re promised the freshest ingredients from the best cupcake chefs in the country. You’re tasting the winners of the Cupcake Award for the past 3 years.

Mmm… cupcakes. By changing the “we” to “you”, you’re bringing the customer into your world and then you can begin the hard sell. When writing copy, ask yourself, “What’s in it for me?” You’ll see your business in a different light because you’ll see it how your customers see it. You might have all the qualifications in the world and some pretty stuff to sell, but it won’t sell itself. Customers want to know why they need to buy your product/service.

(No, I do not have any cupcakes so please don’t ask!)



August 16, 2011 Posted by | Copywriting | , , | Leave a comment