The World According to Renee

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My Secret Shame

The advertising worked. I’ve been seeing the ad for a week or so now and every time I go to the supermarket, I look for it. Today I found it, bought it and read it cover to cover.

I bought this month’s Cosmopolitan magazine.

What was I thinking?? I gave up reading those magazines when I was 16, realising they had little to do with my life as I was never into makeup, fashion, dating or what guys really thought about my technique in the bedroom. Truthfully, I’m not exactly sure why¬† I bought it, but something on the ad spoke to me. I could hear it calling my name. It must’ve been a very long time since I bought it, judging by the current price- whoa!

So what have I learned from my sojourn into another lifestyle? Here are my top 3 things from October’s Cosmo that I found particularly enlightening (oh dear, now I’m writing like them too!)

1. There are barbells for your vaginal/pelvic muscles
A friend posted an article some months ago about a woman who could lift over 90kgs with her vaginal muscles. How on earth do you strengthen them? I wondered at the time. Surely it’s more than doing your Kiegels a few times a day… Well, now I know. There are barbells that you insert that help strengthen and tone those important muscles. A must-have for any post-baby mother (there I go again with the Cosmo speak!) Indeed, everything in the sealed section was an eye-opener as the realisation hit that I really do live a sheltered life.

2. The Rape aXe.
In South Africa, a female is raped every 26 seconds. Sonnet Ehlers decided to do something about it. She created the Rape-aXe, aka the penis flytrap, in the hopes that women and girls everywhere could feel safer. The design is simple- it is inserted like a tampon and is completely harmless to the wearer, but extremely painful for the rapist. Inside this condom-like device is a series of sharp spikes which hold the penis, keeping it erect and impossible to remove from the penis without a doctor’s help, thereby identifying the person as a rapist. Of course, this is an extreme measure to protect females from rape and is surrounded by controversy: what if the rapist is so enraged, he kills the victim? (I happen to think that if his penis is really in that much pain, he’s not going to be thinking about anything else.) Still, it’s a positive step in the fight against rape.

3. Secrets Men Keep, Even When They’re In Love
Awww! My boyfriend is a very shy geek (this isn’t a secret…) and so perhaps I’ve forgotten what the manly men are like. Still, this section was fascinating (although I’m unconvinced these secrets came from actual males with normal hormones and a fully functioning penis). The secrets range from Eddie’s confession that he switched gym times so that his crush on the hot trainer wouldn’t lead to something he’d regret to Rodney wanting to correct his girlfriend’s celebrity gossip. Bryan says he hates when his girlfriend uses his toothbrush so he hides his real one under the sink, while Sal is jealous of his single friends so he tries to make them envious by bragging about his fiancee’s sexual voracity.

The worst part about all this is, I found it interesting enough to read to the end, blog about it, and give it to my sister to read. That, dear readers, is the most shameful part about the whole experience. Now if you’ll excuse me, I think I’ll brush up on my Kiegels…


October 14, 2010 Posted by | Thoughts & Reflections | , , , , | Leave a comment