The World According to Renee

Views, Reviews, Randoms and More…

Polarity Reversal

Every eleven years or so, the sun’s magnetic field flips. Occasionally, the Earth’s field flips as well. In the grand scheme of things, the sun’s flip doesn’t really matter to everyday life for us humans; I can pretty much guarantee that you didn’t notice the last time it happened and you probably won’t notice it when it happens again in a few months. 

Sometimes though, things happen that turn your world upside down in a personal polarity reversal. My own PPR (Personal Polarity Reversal) is in the process of happening this year. Someone close to me is dying, and it’s happening very quickly. Just as we process one new piece of information, another comes along and changes our outlook once more. You’re forced to look at things differently and face mortality. The logic and intellect is now overpowered by the emotional centre and although you can fight them, you’re sucker punched anyway. 

As little as four weeks ago, my aunt was outwardly fine. She stayed here for a week and you’d never tell anything was wrong. That has changed very quickly. The prognosis worsens with each doctor’s visit. It’s the time factor that I find it hard to deal with. The speed which the cancer is spreading is no longer interesting, it’s heartbreaking. 

This feels like a polarity reversal: something I’ve always known is shifting and one day, I won’t even notice. Right now though, it’s consuming my every thought. 

August 15, 2013 Posted by | Uncategorized | , , , , , , | Leave a comment

This is What I Know

I know I’m not the sharpest tool in the shed. I’m not a complete idiot, although I act like it sometimes. I make stupid mistakes and I don’t work well with numbers.

There are a lot of things that define me. “What do you do?” Well, I do a lot of things. I’m a blogger, a uni student, a retail worker, team leader, writer and avid watcher of film and TV. Somehow, all people see is one aspect.

I also know that when I get a dickhead customer, I feel the need to defend (and define) myself. One customer said to me today, “Are you still selling doughnuts? You were here when I was last here!” Uh, yeah. This is my job, where else would I be? Some hours later, just before close, I gave someone else what he asked for, but yet I’m the stupid one for not giving him the one he meant.

Today was one of those slow days where I get my actual work done very quickly and I spent the rest of the afternoon in “thinking time”. Today, I thought about stars and galaxies and how they came to be. I have a keen interest in the sciences but I’ll never be a scientist- I’ll need some hardcore maths to get there and I stumble over the simplest equations.

I know I’ll never be an acclaimed writer. I’m not creative enough and I don’t write great prose. I know I’ll never be a great singer because I am completely tone deaf and can’t hold a tune.

What do I know? I know I’m good at my job. I know I’m a good student. I know I’m a good writer. I know people will read this post and think I’m feeling down on myself. I know that my job selling doughnuts has no reflection on who I am and what else I do. I know that what people think doesn’t define me. Above all, I know I’m better than that.

July 16, 2013 Posted by | Uncategorized | , , , , , | Leave a comment